Firefighter Initiation of Sorts

Our company would get together every Tuesday night for regular training, and sometimes on Saturday mornings for special training exercises. The first time I joined the company for a Saturday session, it was at the old State Police Barracks which had been given to the fire companies for training after the Police relocated to new offices. The building was empty, with the exception of some old furniture which had either been left behind, or brought in by the fire officers to replicate a house environment. On this day, I was being taught how to use the Self Contained Breathing Apparatus (SCBA), or "the air packs."

About a dozen or so firefighters were there in the chilly morning air, all a bit anxious to get started. Inside the building, our Chief, Assistant Chief and Captain were laying out the scenario, and setting up the props. Since this was the first time for me, I stepped back and let the others line up at the front steps in front of me. I had already reviewed the air pack at the firehouse, and in the Fire School Class the week before, I just needed to get one on and use it in a fire situation to demonstrate my ability to the instructors. After graduating the Fire School Class, then using it hands on, I would then be certified to wear it on real emergency situations.

One week prior to this, I was scheduled to attend a similar training. The intense fear inside me was so great, I came up with an excuse why I couldn't go with the rest of the company to practice on the air packs.

"Sorry, I just got back from the doctors...got a respiratory infection..."

I tried to explain my situation to the Chief, but I am not sure he bought it. I have learned since, he probably didn't care what I had to say. You are either coming, or you aren't, doesn't really matter why or why not. And after all the thought I put into that excuse.

I watched intently from the front yard as, two by two, firefighters pulled their masks on, ducked down below the billowing smoke, and entered the building with fire hose under their arms. I knew in my mind that this is what it would take for me to become a firefighetr for real. I didn't want to just be a guy who comes andd stands outside and maybe helps carrying hose, or running for tools. I wnated to be the guy on the inside making the hit on the flames. That's where the action was, and they were the stories I had heard back at the station. I wanted in on those stories.

It wasn't too long before the guys who entered the building would emerge carrying the hose out, with smoke trailing behind them. That alone got my adrenaline pumping. It looked like a scene right out of a movie.

"You ready to go?" a voice snapped me out of my amazement. The Captain was moving the firefighters through like an assembly line. I nodded back to him as I reached down and grabbed my air pack from the ground, swinging it over my shoulder on to my back. I had the full on act going as if I wasn't nervous at all, and just couldn't wait to get inside that smokey building. Yeah, I could feel my heart beating clear out of my chest actually, and my breathing was already out of control, and the mask wasn't even on yet.

I stood for one second and began to think... 'They wouldn't put us in any danger that could hurt or kill us...they have guys in there watching in case anything were to happen...and look, everyone else just did it and everything worked out just fine. I figured, in just a few minutes it will be over, and I would be outside talking about how it was inside the beast.

I pulled the shoulder straps tight and cinched up the waist belt. I removed my helmet and placed my mask on my chin, then pulled the straps up over my head. Suddenly, I could hear every breath I was taking, and nobody else could hear anything I was saying. Quite a different environment, and I wasn't even in the smoke yet. I was assigned a partner, and together we walked up to the front door where the nozzle was laying on the porch floor. I felt like I was in a coccoon, but I think that was the idea. I still wasn't sure I would be able to move enough to be productive under all the gear, but I realized, this was the way it had to be. I summoned all the determination and courage I could muster, and nodded to my partner. I was ready to rock.

He grabbed the nozzle and I backed him up, humping the hose in from behind us as we advanced under a thick layer of gray and black smoke. I could barely hear the voices up ahead of us over my own heavy breathing.

"Let's go hustle, get in here!" I recognized the Chief's voice yelling from another room. "It's getting hot in here, let's go, knock it down before we lose it!"

My fear turned to urgency. I thought of nothing but getting the hose in there as fast as we could, get in behind my partner to back him as we hit the fire, just like it reads in the text books. The smoke blurred our vision and at times the only thing we could see was the cloth hose in our gloved hands. We had to move quickly, but find our way by feeling the walls and doors.

Finally, we found the kitchen door, where the fire was reported to be located. Voices yelled, and things were banging loudly as we made our way into the room. In the midst of the darkness I made out a glow in the corner of the room. My partner yelled back to me that he found the fire, and he was going to open up on it. My job at this point would be to get right behind him and take all the back pressure off of him, mainly by pulling the hose in from behind us and leaning forward. With all of my fire school notes going through my head, I almost forgot I was inside of a burning building.

The nozzle opened up and I pulled the hose forward battling the pressure pushing back. The glow in the corner darkened and once again, we were bathed in black darkness.

"Okay switch positions!" a voice yelled from behind us somewhere.

The two of us clumsily crawled around each other, clanging tanks together in the narrow doorway, as I took hold of the nozzle, still dripping from being opened already. As I got into position on one knee and ducking down as low as I could, the voice yelled through the darkness again...

"Over here! We have extension! It spread over here, you didn't get it all!"

We crawled further into the room until I saw the glowing again. This time I could see flames licking up the walls from behind some appliances on the kitchen counter. My partner pulled more hose in, then got right behind me, placing one hand on my shoulder. I grabbed the handle with one hand, and pulled slowly back on the bale, as it is taught in the textbooks, so as to limit the kick back of the water pressure. Soon I was flowing water and lobbing it at the corner of the room, darkening down the flames. Just as I began my "attack" on the fire, something happened that wasn't in any pages I had read in class. With one large "whoosh," the whole wall lit up, and flames rolled across the ceiling above our heads. A loud bang came from what I thought was the refrigerator, and it seemed to feed the flames above us.

"Hit the ceiling, Hit the ceiling!" a more urgent tone of voice screamed from another doorway to my right. I just opened the nozzle up more and turned the knob to straight stream when I was struck in the head and shoulders with falling pieces of ceiling tiles and other debris.

"Back out! Back out! Shut down and back out!" In the corner of my eye, I saw the Captain coming through the smoke with another hoseline from another doorway.

I shut down and dropped the nozzle to the floor next to me, and immediately turned back to my partner who had already started his retreat. The flames made it much easier to see our way back out of the building as we felt for the hose to lead us out to the front door.

Once we made the front door, I noticed a few guys on the porch pulling our hose out for us. "You guys okay?" "Holy shit, what happened, you aight"

Voices swarmed around us, although all I could hear best was my heaving breaths inside the mask. Once in the yard, I turned back and watched the front door with its billowing smoke pouring from inside. For the first time ever, the fear of the smoke had disappeared, and I almost wanted to get back inside with it. It was then I realized, it's not a feeling of being fearless about fire and thick smoke, it's more of a respect you gain for it. You know how to treat it, how to operate around it, but keep in the back of your mind it's power, and it's ability to turn on you in an instant.

"What the hell was that in there?" my partner exclaimed as he pulled the mask from his face.

"Not sure, but whatever they did was pretty cool!" I couldn't believe how exciting it was, and was mad I gave some poor excuse to skip out the week before.

"Cool? Hell, I thought we were losing the building!" my partner explained. This confused me for a minute. He had been a firefighter longer than me and had done these exercises before several times. I was thinking to myself, 'why doesn't he realize that the guys inside set that up, whatever it was.' Just then, the Captain and the Chief came out of the building, their hot gear steaming in the cold air.

"You guys okay?" One asked. "Yeah sorry bout that! But good job not panicking!"

"Was that a test to see if we panic?" I asked as I undid my straps.

"No, that was a real live explosion we didn't plan for!" the Chief said smiling at the Captain. "Somebody left the gas on I guess! Damned refrigerator or stove or whatever moved a good foot away from the wall!" the two walked away still commenting on what just happened right in front of my face, laughing and shaking heads.

For a moment, a fear creeped back inside my chest. I realized then that it wasn't a neat little prop they had staged, and that the falling ceiling was real, the flames were really rolling over our heads out of control. Then just as quick as it came, the fear left and was replaced with a real sense of courage, and pride. I was faced with a real fire emergency, and handled it calmly, didn't panic and run, and simply did what I was taught to do. I had just proven to myself, that I was going to be okay.

I sincerely believe, this incident which was mostly an accident, broke me in just right. I suddenly knew what it looked and felt like to have the proverbial "shit hit the fan" and come down on top of you, when you're on the inside.

I was quickly becoming a "real firefighter."